


To Dip or not to Dip?: A Study of Crystal Balls, Sirius Black, and Dipping Biscuits

by acciopotatoes



Series: Shuffle Challenge 2014 [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, Shuffle Challenge, because who uses the actually title anyway, crystal balls, do you dip or not, thanks for the memories fall out boy, thnks fr th mmrs fall out boy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-15
Updated: 2014-03-15
Packaged: 2018-01-15 20:48:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1318711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acciopotatoes/pseuds/acciopotatoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A friend of mine dared me to do the shuffle challenge, so I got out my music and this was the first song that came up. Thanks for the Memories, Fall Out Boy. Sirius takes Divination as a joke and is trying to read a crystal ball.</p>
            </blockquote>





	To Dip or not to Dip?: A Study of Crystal Balls, Sirius Black, and Dipping Biscuits

**Author's Note:**

> So, shuffle challenge, Thanks for the Memories. At first I thought of funerals, probably because I saw that tumblr post about playing this song during a funeral. But I couldn't pin down which fandom or which characters to use for the funeral, so that didn't happen. Instead, the line about crystal balls and the future getting cloudy inspired me to have Sirius trying to read a crystal ball in Divination, and instead talking about memories of one-night stands. By extension, this turned into a few shots of Sirius and Divination-related things, because I can see him slowly getting more and more fed up with the class as time went on.

 I accidentally inserted a couple line breaks and  _can't get them to go away ahhhhhh_ anyway here

* * *

**1 -**

         He'd taken the class for a lark, to laugh at the poor sods who actually thought they were telling the future. Also, the prof fancied him, and constantly gave him points. All he had to do was make up crap to put in his dream journal, turn it in, have the girl a couple of seats over give a breathy compliment about how "insightful" he was, and he was definitely getting an E, at the very least. 

Crystal balls, however, were not his forte. Honestly, just the name was awful. Crystal  _balls._ Who's genius idea was it to do that? And he constantly dropped them, knocked them over, or scratched them. Even the professor was getting a little tired of him, and Sirius had a feeling that his latest dream entry wasn't going to help matters. 

Grin and bear it. 

"Sirius, please, could you be a dear and step away from the crystals, thank you." 

"Oh, of course, Professor."

Just taking precautions, so that he wouldn't break anything this time. Honestly, this whole classroom was so  _fragile._  

"Miss MacDonald, if you could please tell me what you see...."

Mary MacDonald shifted in her seat. "Um, clouds? Is it going to rain?"

"Try to look past the clouds, dear."

"I don't - I - Oh! I see... I see a horse. There's someone riding it, and there's lightning in the background...."

When she was done, Sirius leaned over. "Did you actually see anything but fog?"

Mary flashed him a conspirital look. "No, but failing Divination would be extremely more embarrassing, than, say, failing Transfiguration."

"Thought so."

The next few students were called up, and then - 

"Sirius, dear, come and tell me what you see....."

He sighed deeply and leaned forward, trying to look like he was concentrating. Nothing more than swirling smoke appeared. Usually James or one of the others was here to make things a bit more interesting, but Remus was feeling ill, and Peter had been convinced by James to skive off with him. 

"One of the shapes looks kind of like the inside of a broom closet." Sirius heard a few snickers behind him;  _of course_ Sirius Black would make that connection.

The professor, bless her deluded heart, didn't notice and bought into it completely. "How do you interpret this, dear?"

He pretended to think for a minute, banishing the slight smirk trying to make its way onto his features. "Well, could mean that my rendezvous with Heather Price is going to convene earlier than expected .... Lunch, maybe?" Sirius paused to wink at Heather, who blushed scarlet. Continuing, he said, "Or could be an omen that I should meet again with Dorcas Meadows ..... Merlin, that bird was fit. Or -"

"Thank you for your input, Mr Black. Miss Price, if you would take a turn?"

Sirius noticed the change between being called by his first name and being addressed by his last like the rest of the class, but said nothing. Instead, he stopped trying to control his smirk and let it dance across his face. Not a huge joke, nothing to laugh over later, but good enough for now, with this stuffy classroom and fragile decorations. 

 

**2**

Another dream interpretation. Sirius sighed as he scratched away on the parchment, recording a made-up crapload of omens and meanings.

_ Then, James, having announced his intent, rode off with the hippogriff that Peter had named Buckbeak. To be honest, he did sort of seem like a Buckbeak, although he could've also passed for an Alfred. After James left, Remus turned to me and said enigmatically, as the mist swirled around his face, that I would see the hippogriff again, and then he Apparated away. Left with Peter, I then began a discussion over tea and biscuits debating the pros and cons of dipping the biscuit, or just washing it down. Peter adamantly insisted that dipping it was a waste, as the consumer would just wash it down after that anyway. This was a lie, as I know for a fact that Peter adores dipping biscuits. He also finds a guilty pleasure in Earl Grey, but never mentioned it after the first time once everyone made fun of him.  _

_This obviously translates as so:_

_James is a gay furry, but is worried about what people will think when he comes out of the closet located at a zoo. Remus can commune with nature, and so is capable of seeing the fate of Buckbeak the hippogriff - that one day he will be slaughtered, and I will be tricked into eating him. Thus, I will see the hippogriff of James's life again, but unknowingly consume him while eating tea and biscuits, according to the conversation with Peter. Also, I am the only person to have ever realised this, as my friends vehemently deny my conclusions._

Hmm. Good. Maybe next time a bit about merpeople...maybe Peter marrying a mermaid, and then trying frantically to annul it the next day? 

* * *

 

I could go on and on with made-up dreams and totally innacurate interpretations...If I went to Hogwarts, I'd probably end up taking a year of Divination just to be able to overanalyze everything.

 


End file.
